Being induced is a weird experience. We were told to be at the hospital at 7:30 a.m. They told me to eat a big breakfast because once they hooked me up, I wouldn't be able to eat until I had this baby. I should have known at that point that this was going to be anything but a quick process. So I woke up ass early and took a shower and did my makeup. Yes, I put on makeup to have a baby. I also googled the best foundation to wear while in labor. I have no shame in my game. I didn't want to look a hot mess when taking pictures with my newborn child. For reference, the correct answer is Estee Lauder Double Wear over Becca First Light primer...you're welcome. We dropped my pup off at grandma and grandpa's and went to breakfast. I followed instructions and chowed down. Finally, nice and full, we headed off to the hospital. When you're induced, you basically just walk up to reception and say "Hi, I'm here to have a baby" as if you're ordering a burger.
They checked us in to our room, I got outfitted in my glamorous backless gown, and laid down in the bed I would be essentially chained to for the foreseeable future. They did a quick cervical check - hey, look at that..I'm still not at all dilated or effaced - and then an ultrasound to make sure baby was still head down - she was. I did a quick check to make sure they had Bravo - score for me, they did. My OB was in the hospital for a staff meeting so they wanted to wait for him to see how they should proceed with me being not at all fit for this induction, despite being 32 months pregnant.
At about 10:30, my doctor came by and did his own check to confirm that I was holding strong at straight zeroes. I was. Baby's heart rate was a little high so they wanted to check my amniotic fluid. The concern was that she wasn't handling even the possibility of induction well and they didn't want to start anything until they felt things were OK, which I appreciated for obvious reasons. While the original plan was to insert cervadil for the induction, but because of baby's high heart rate and the fact that once you place cervadil you can't undo it, they decided to start with a low dose of pitocin and monitor me closely to see how she responds. I will note that at this point they also took away my clear fluids that I was allowed to have in case I needed to go into surgery for an emergency c-section. So I get nothing now. No food, no liquids, no ice chips. Thank god for that big breakfast and the IV drip hydrating my body.
Cue the montage of me and my husband laying in the hospital room watching a lot of Bravo. There was a Million Dollar Listing marathon on. New York. It was great.
For the next 5 hours they gradually increased the pitocin and I basically just hung out. At about 3:30 p.m. they came in for another check. Sound the trumpet - I was at a 2! Since I was actually dilating somewhat, they wanted to place a foley bulb to help speed this process along. It's at this point I have a nervous breakdown because the word catheter freaks me the f out. Despite my fears, they place the foley bulb. It was unpleasant. Very unpleasant. I would not volunteer to do this again. Also, having a balloon in your cervix with a tube sticking out is awkward.
It's at this point in our story that I finally start to feel contractions. Screw you, foley bulb. Nothing's too bad for about 5 more hours (putting us at about 8:30 p.m.) and then things start ramping up. I decide, hey let's get that epidural before shit gets too painful. Well, that would be a great plan if the anesthesiologist weren't in a c-section themselves. By the time they got out of surgery it was an hour and a half later and I thought I was dying. I'm sorry, but if you go through labor without any type of pain management, you are certifiably insane. I was nowhere near the 10cm dilated you need to be to give birth and the pain I felt had tears pouring out of my eyes. And I am not a crier. Get the epidural. Don't be an idiot.
Once the glorious medication was flowing through my veins, I was happy again. They gave my foley bulb a little tug and it came right out. This meant that I was dilated around a 4-5! Holy cow! It was around 9:30 p.m. now and they told me to try and get some sleep. Hah. You get checked on every hour when you're in labor. Have fun sleeping through that.
At about 4 a.m. they came to check on me and said that I had passed some of my mucus plug. Gross. They also decided to go ahead and break my water to try and get this show on the road. I cannot tell you how happy I am that my water didn't break at home. I was laying there, enjoying my epidural, and all of a sudden felt like I was uncontrollably peeing myself. I was convinced that my catheter had fallen out. Nope, it was just my amniotic sac emptying itself. This feeling occurred no less than 7 times. I felt so bad for the nurse who had to keep changing the pads and sheets below me that were soaked with amniotic fluid. Again, gross.
My next check was about 6:45 a.m. and I had dilated to a 6. This was slightly anticlimactic as I was told once my water broke things would move quickly. Hah. That's for normal babies who want to come into the world. Fun fact - it was around this time that my epidural started to wear off. I was experiencing a fun thing called "back labor." Just know, that you NEVER want to experience back labor. It's like labor on steroids. I inquired about getting my epidural topped off and they responded that the baby was "sleepy" and would have to wait....I'm sorry? Wake that B up! Tell her that she's got somewhere to be and it's not in my uterus anymore.
An hour later this tiny broad was "awake" enough and I got my top off. I should note that I was only able to get this top off because I had not dilated any more. Cool cool.
Now the nurse wanted to try and get me into different positions to try and fast-track labor. If you're in labor and a nurse tells you this, whatever you do - DON'T DO IT. Politely decline. Threaten to punch them. Do whatever you need to do to NOT get into these positions. They're some kind of medieval torture. Whatever extra drugs they gave me were not enough to combat the sorcery of pain that came from these ridiculous positions. I was made into a human pretzel, which would be difficult enough when not carrying another human in my stomach.
Fast-forward to 3:30 p.m. My OB decides to swing by and ask me why the hell I haven't had a baby yet. I don't know doc, I've just been relaxing and really enjoying my final hours of being pregnant? He checks me out and I'm at an 8, which is closer to a 10 than a 6, but still not close enough. You know what he does next? Tries to dilate me manually. Manually. Let that sink in for a moment. At this point I had developed a fever and the baby's heart rate was starting to spike again. They had taken some blood to check on things and at about 4:30 p.m. they got the results back - my white blood count was far too high to keep waiting around. After 30.5 hours of induced labor, I was FINALLY going to be prepped for surgery. I was getting the c-section that I wanted from the moment I found out I was pregnant! It was a very roundabout way of getting there, but I was getting it! The nurses told me that they'd never seen someone so happy to be going into a major surgery.
At 5:42 p.m. on Thursday, March 29th, Mady McKenna was brought into the world screaming. My little chunk was 9lb 5oz, 21 inches long, with a 15 inch head...the nurses commented that there was no way I would've been able to deliver this big-headed baby. My doctor told me that he should've listened to me from the beginning. Not only did I have a beautiful baby girl, I was told that I was right - all in all, a good day.
So to sum it all up: I experienced nearly every aspect of labor possible. If you ask my husband, he'll tell you that I didn't do anything - the doctors and nurses induced me, dilated me, broke my water, and evicted the baby. He's joking, of course, but it does make me want to punch him sometimes.
No comments