I like knowing things. I like researching and finding the answers to all of the questions that I have about any particular topic. When we started the discussion of this potential kid, I googled every question I had about pregnancy and parenthood. Listen, I realize that parenting is 5% what you know and 95% of expecting the unexpected. I just like being prepared. I tend to lean toward the Type A end of the spectrum, in case you were wondering.
The internet did not let me down. You should start taking prenatal vitamins at around 3 months before you start trying to conceive? Ok, show me the best prenatal vitamins. Oh, Walgreens is having a sale? Perfect. You should start tracking your cycle and your behaviors throughout? Alright, I'll just download 4 different apps here so I can see how they compare. Cut down on caffeine? ............Wait, you want me to do what? I'll cut down to one cup a day during the work week and you'll have to deal with that, uterus. I'll concede and start drinking more water though. Who said I couldn't compromise?
I started all of these things in April and they quickly became part of my daily routine. I do have a question though, why are prenatal vitamins so GD big? We're in the 21st century. Can't we condense vital nutrients down to a manageable form, or better yet a Flintstone chewable? I digress. It's funny how, when you decide you're ready to have a baby, you're suddenly very in tune with your body. I started experiencing a version of pseudocyesis (which is a real thing that I just discovered when typing this post, thank you google). There was no possible way that I could be pregnant....but why does my mind keep telling me that I must be?? I started my period and at the same time I was googling whether you could have a false period and still be pregnant. I was deranged. It was almost as if, in mentally committing to wanting to have a baby, I projected symptoms onto myself. Lord help me when we start actually trying for a kid.
At this point we're only 3 months into our story. In April I decided that I was mentally and emotionally prepared to take the next step in this crazy game of life. In May my husband realized that I was serious and that he was also going to have to get serious about this. June is supposed to be the month where we start this thing. You know when you're about to do something crazy and you have that split second beforehand where you think, what in the literal fuck am I doing right now?! That's what I feel like at this moment. I've been so anti-kid for so long that part of me feels it's irrational to change gears so quickly and completely. Am I really ready for this? Did I think this through? No one's told me how parents handle hangovers when they have small children!
I've read that the scariest things are the most exciting. That's completely a lie, by the way, I'm pretty sure I just made that saying up. It works though, doesn't it? I suppose that might not be true if you're about to get eaten by a shark - I doubt that ends up being real exciting...unless you're into that kind of thing. The point is, I'm always going to be scared. It's time to just close my eyes and jump.
Here goes nothing....
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