Shit just got real...

I thought that the two week wait between when you can get pregnant and when you can take the test would feel like forever.  That's no match to how long it feels waiting the minutes after you pee on a stick to see what it's going to say.  It's amazing how much anxiety one little stick can give you.  What if it says no?  What if it says yes?!

Month One

You know what's fun about trying to track your fertility?  Nothing.  Nothing is fun.  You get to go into an app every day and tell it how you're feeling.  It wants to know how much water and caffeine you've drank, did you have sex, are you on your period, do you have any aches/pains/bloating/nausea/heartburn/fatigue/blah blah blah.  It wants to know whether you took an ovulation test, what your basal temperature is, what your cervical mucus is like.  It wants to know what your mood is.  I don't know why people go to doctors or therapists when they can just download a fertility app.  Do you know what the difference between cramps and pelvic pain is?  Listen app, it just feels like someone stabbed me in the uterus with a dull knife and now it's just chilling there.  Where's that option??

Shit's getting real

I like knowing things.  I like researching and finding the answers to all of the questions that I have about any particular topic.  When we started the discussion of this potential kid, I googled every question I had about pregnancy and parenthood.  Listen, I realize that parenting is 5% what you know and 95% of expecting the unexpected.  I just like being prepared. I tend to lean toward the Type A end of the spectrum, in case you were wondering.

So I guess this is growing up....

When I was little, I remember telling people that I was going to be a young mom and that I was going to have 2 kids - 2 girls to be exact.  Keep in mind that this was the early 90's and pre-"Teen Mom" and the MTV that exists today.  "Young" to small Kristen meant 25.  When I was growing up, teen pregnancy was reserved for after-school specials...not glamorized as a way to become a reality "star." To me, the perfect age of 25 meant that I would be young enough relate to my kids and be the "cool mom" (insert gif of Amy Poehler in a Juicy track suit here), but still old enough to be an "adult."

Well, as you grow up, a funny thing happens - you realize that the things you want when you're actually an adult sometimes aren't the same things you wanted when you dreamed about being an adult.  Somewhere along the line I decided that instead of wanting kids at 25...I may not want kids at all.